The Obvious Differences Between Christian Theology and Fairytales.

A Letter to Salmaan Taseer

I believe in Leprechauns. I believe that the Leprechaun King created the entire Universe about 6,000 years ago. I know there is a substantial amount of evidence suggesting that the Universe is significantly older than this, but I think a lot of that evidence comes from bad science, or from a worldwide conspiracy of scientists who want to deny Leprechauns. I know this because it is written in the Leprechaun Chronicles, a book cobbled together from various authors, most unknown, by our church during the Dark Ages.

The Leprechaun King lives in Leprechaun Heaven, where he busies himself answering prayers, running the Universe and recording the lives of humans for their final judgment before him. He is surrounded by an entire society of magical beings – his son Merlin, the Holy Leprechaun Spirit, the good fairy Mary, thousands of other fairies, pixies and the souls of many millions of dead people.

Each Leprechaun pixie has a special task. For example, Saint Christopher is the patron-pixie of travelers and it is his job to intercede with the Leprechaun king on behalf of travelers to keep them safe. Most countries and professions similarly have a special Leprechaun who pays them special attention – even lawyers. There are strict rules governing the roles, responsibilities of the various Leprechauns, elves, pixies and other heavenly beings.

I believe that the Leprechaun King loves me and hears my prayers. He intervenes in my life periodically by saving me from various ills. All I have to do is think to myself and he reads my mind and answers my prayers. He loves me and when I die, provided I have lived a good life, I will go to Leprechaun Heaven, where I will live happily ever after with all other humans who have ever led good lives.

I know there is not a lot of evidence to support my beliefs, but that is just the point. The Leprechaun King wants us to have “faith,” so he never reveals himself. To make an unambiguous appearance and settle once and for all the question of his existence would deprive us of free will and, even though he is all knowing, he would not know who his true believers were. In fact, I believe that the Leprechaun King is “beyond understanding”. He is “outside the Universe” and any time I am faced with something about my Leprechaun belief that makes no sense, I don’t dare question it, I just close my mind and tell myself that "the Leprechaun King moves in mysterious ways" or that my mind is too small to understand the greatness of the Leprechaun King. These are satisfying answers to me.

Some people, called “atheists,” are skeptical of my belief in the Leprechaun King. They point out many inherent contradictions and unsupported assumptions that underwrite my belief in Leprechauns. But, they can’t prove he doesn’t exist, so he must exist. They also can't definitively explain where the Universe came from or how life on Earth first started, so it must be the Leprechaun King.

And so what! Even if I am wrong, and go my whole life believing in nonexistent Leprechauns, I have lost nothing. However, if they are wrong, the Leprechaun King will send them to hell to burn forever in the presence of the Evil Ground Troll. Am I convincing you to believe in Leprechauns yet?

As any Christian will point out, the above belief in Leprechauns is silly. Unlike the basic doctrines of Christianity, the above is obviously sheer childish nonsense. Christians believe in the Christian god. They believe that this god created the entire Universe about 6,000 years ago. They know there is a substantial amount of evidence suggesting that the Universe is significantly older than this, but they think a lot of that evidence comes from bad science, or from a worldwide conspiracy of scientists who want to deny God. They know this because it is written in the Bible, a book cobbled together from various authors, most unknown, by their church during the Dark Ages.

Their god lives in Heaven, where he busies himself answering prayers, running the Universe and recording the lives of humans for their final judgment before him. He is surrounded by an entire society of heavenly beings – his son Jesus, the Holy Spirit, Mary, thousands of saints, angels, and the souls of many millions of dead people.

Each saint and angel has a special task. For example, Saint Christopher is the patron saint of travelers and it is his job to intercede with god on behalf of travelers to keep them safe. Most countries and professions similarly have a special saint who pays them special attention – even lawyers. There are strict rules governing the roles, responsibilities of the various saints, angels and other heavenly beings.

Christians believe that their god loves them and hears their prayers. He intervenes in their lives periodically by saving them from various ills. All they have to do is think to themselves and he reads their minds and answers their prayers. He loves them and when they die, provided they have lived a good life, they will go to the Christian Heaven, where they will live happily ever after with all other humans who have ever led good lives.

They know there is not a lot of evidence to support their beliefs, but that is just the point. Their god wants them to have “faith,” so he never reveals himself. To make an unambiguous appearance and settle once and for all the question of his existence would deprive them of free will and, even though he is all knowing, he would not know who his true believers were. In fact, they believe that their god is “beyond understanding”. He is “outside the Universe” and any time they are faced with something about their belief that makes no sense, they don’t dare question it. They just close their minds and tell themselves that "God moves in mysterious ways," or that their mind is too small to understand the greatness of god. These are satisfying answers to them.

Some people, called “atheists,” are skeptical of Christians’ belief in their god. These people point out many inherent contradictions and unsupported assumptions that underwrite belief in the Christian god. But, they can’t prove he doesn’t exist, so he must exist. They also can't definitively explain where the Universe came from or how life on Earth first started, so it must be the Christian god.

And so what! Even if they are wrong, and go their whole lives believing in a nonexistent god, Christians have lost nothing. However, if the atheists are wrong, the Christian god will send them to the Christian hell to burn forever in the presence of the devil.