Superstition With a Halo

A Letter to Vumilia Makoye

In a typically amusing cartoon from Parker and Hart’s “The Wizard of Id” comic, the king asks the local priest, “How many religions are there?” “Just one, of course,” replies the priest somewhat haughtily. “Well,” enquires the king, “How come we have so many churches?”

“Because the cults need somewhere to go,” advises the priest.

The amusing poke at religious parochialism brings to mind a distinction which is often drawn between cults and superstitions on the one hand and religious beliefs on the other. Superstitions are seen as bizarre and/or childish beliefs hardly worthy of being taken seriously, whereas religions are widely regarded as respectable and venerable belief systems, immune from criticism, regardless of the implausibility of what they might propose.

The problem with this purported distinction, however, is that upon examination, all mainstream "religions" believe in things every bit as farfetched and nonsensical as the "superstitions" they disdain. They just get away with it because they have majority support.

For example, if one is a proselytizing Christian missionary in Polynesia, the native belief that an infinitely old, super-powerful, invisible volcano god reads minds and rewards or punishes human beings with eternal life or eternal damnation in the presence of an evil devil-spirit depending on their adherence to certain island rules, and the performance of weekly communal rituals where flesh and blood are symbolically consumed, is a classic native superstition.

However, the belief that an infinitely old, super-powerful, invisible sky god reads minds (or “hears prayers” as they put it) and rewards or punishes human beings with eternal life or eternal damnation in the presence of an evil devil-spirit depending on their adherence to ten commandments, and the performance of weekly communal rituals where flesh and blood are symbolically consumed, is essentially the Catholic religion.

In this vein, which of the following is sillier? "The wizard, dressed in his purple robe, raised the goblet of wine to the sky. He spoke the magic words of the sacred ceremony to the sky fairy in the heavens and the wine was turned into the blood of the great prophet." or "The Catholic priest, dressed in his white robes, raised the chalice of wine toward the sky. He spoke the sacred words of the Catholic mass to God in heaven and the wine was transformed into the blood of Christ."

There's no real difference is there? Upon reflection, the distinction between superstition and religion disappears altogether. Stripped of their self-serving nomenclature and called out for what they are, all religious beliefs pretty quickly demonstrate themselves to be little more than childish superstitions, based generally on magic and spirits. The only differences are terminology ("sacred" or "holy" instead of "magic"; "priest" instead of "wizard"; "angels" instead of "faries" etc.) the number of adherents and/or the perspective of the viewer.

One of my favorite ironic lines (the irony of which apparently escaped the reporter) occurred recently when an African shaman was being interviewed by the BBC over the murder of albinos in East Africa. The shaman criticized a fellow witchdoctor for believing in the supposed magic powers of albinos by stating, “Yeah, I've heard of it. But that's not real witchcraft. It's the work of con men.” Apparently real witchdoctors would never entertain such a silly belief.

Moreover, a superstition is no less a superstition simply because a lot of people believe it or, dear reader, because you learnt it as a child. Supernatural beings with magic powers cannot be democratically elected into existence and if you were born in another part of the World, you would be defending the local faith as the one true superstition/religion. Just as one man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter, one man’s priest is another man’s charlatan.

I lived in Rio de Janeiro for a year and regularly took taxis to and from work. The taxi drivers in Rio regard seat belts as little more than an inconvenience. They rarely use them themselves and would often tell me, as I went to put mine on, not to worry about it, as the police rarely enforce the law requiring their use. Having seen these guys drive, it was advice I respectfully declined.

These same taxi drivers, however, virtually to a man, have beads which they hang over their rear-vision mirrors which they believe protects them from car accidents. These magic beads appear in probably 70% of the taxis I took in Rio. They are often accompanied with dashboard magnets picturing a magic dead person who can protect them in their journey.

It seems to me an act of stunning inanity, to shun one of the most basic, proven and convenient safety devices ever utilized in transportation in favor of the supposed powers of rosary beads and magnetic pictures of Saint Christopher. Nevertheless, couple an ingrained superstition with an oblivious disregard for the basic laws of motion, and there you have it.

Needless to say, the beads and magnets do nothing. I would regularly pass accident scenes of varying severity and see damaged and steaming taxis, their magic rosary beads dangling ineffectually from the rear vision mirror of the bent and mangled vehicle, as useless as a dead soldier’s lucky charm. The driver would often be standing outside, engaged in spirited debate with the other involuntary player in this small experimental proof of the futility of superstition, as to who was at fault. I doubt they ever question the neglect of their magic friends.

While this, in itself, is a small example of where superstitious beliefs cause harm, I can imagine how the road toll in Brazil would plummet if the populace dropped the nonsense of the magic saints and adopted the common sense of the seat belts instead.

An exasperated blogger called "Dan12345" captured it very well, "there is no difference between a rosary and charm braclet, there is no difference between alleluia and abracadabra, there is no difference between praying for rain and doing a rain dance, there is no difference between holy water and pixie dust.....get over it, christianity is based on 3 astrologers(wise men), a human sacrifice(crucifixion), and ceremonial cannibalism (communion) and a lot of other non-sense including talking snakes and burning people at the stake for believing the earth revolves around the sun"

To call it for what it is, if you believe that magic (or “sacred” if you wish) rosary beads protect you from harm, or that pictures of saints will protect you in your travels, you are superstitious. If you believe in beings with magic powers, beings that never die or spirits in the sky, you are superstitious. If you believe that every Sunday you consume the flesh and blood of a dead guy from the Middle East 2,000 years ago, you are superstitious. If you believe that you have an invisible essence called a soul that will survive your death and live happily ever after with your invisible god-friend that you have been talking to all your life, you are superstitious.

The only reason it is not obvious to you that you are is that you have been taught it all your life from those with similar views. You have probably been regularly told it is “good” to be that way and “bad” to doubt or question. Your superstition likely sits deep in your mind, filed away comfortably as "my religion" and questioned no more often than the logic of your native tongue. If you are a Christian, you likely see the childish futility in the ranting witchdoctor, the bathing Hindu or the bobbing Jew, but falter and fiddle at the thought of shining the flashlight of adult reason upon your own child-learned beliefs.

Might I respectfully suggest a courageous self-audit. Put your beliefs under a bit of scrutiny for once. Probe them, poke them and see how they hold up. Subject them to the same exacting standard you would require of any other extraordinary claims and see how they do. Don't make excuses for them or give them the free pass you have been told you must. In this respect, do not believe what they tell you. It is NEVER wrong to question, to think and to doubt. If your beliefs hold up, fine, you have earned them. If they don't, they were not worth holding in the first place.

Might I also suggest that you do the same to others, including atheists like myself (we no more have a monopoly on the truth than the dogmatists we oppose). The next time you hear claims of miracles, of spirits and devils, of “holy” places, “holy” things or “sacred” powers claimed by priests or their superiors, do not take it at face value. Stop for a moment and think through what they are claiming with a critical eye. I suspect you will soon find yourself wondering how different their claims of magic are to the nonsensical claims of African witchdoctors as to who knows best the powers of albinos.